Movie Review: ‘Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker’!

Ayyy, it’s your boy again Jay Dubb, the Bad Boy Nerd! So OF COURSE, being the hardcore Star Wars geek that I am, i HAD to go see the new joint! Wasn’t a big fan of the Episodes 7 and 8, but whatever yo! How does Episode 9 stack up to the rest of the Saga?? Read and find out!

 

30-SECOND REVIEW:

I mean…What can you say, It’s a Star Wars film!

Rise of Skywalker has all the usual SW stuff – aliens, The Force, special effects galore, cool fight scenes, family drama, some laughs. Good vs Evil. Cute droids. ‘I got a bad feeling about this’. Of course the good guys win. The movie doesn’t bother explaining much but most people won’t care. It does exactly what Disney wanted to do, appeal to the masses and make a ton of money $$$. Hardcore/ lifelong Star Wars fans will walk away frustrated.

 

STAR WARS: RISE OF SKYWALKER FULL REVIEW

Star Wars movies can only compare to OTHER SW movies, so the grading curve is steep. I try NOT to be harsh so this time I’m doing something different. I’ll break down what I liked and the things I didn’t like – trying to keep things fair! At any time, stop reading my review and jump to the rating – OR – continue all the way to a Full Breakdown at the bottom!

What I liked.

It’s worth seeing as a standalone Star Wars movie. It has some cool new Force abilities, couple of lightsaber battles, Chewbacca is awesome as ever, and Carrie Fisher’s final performance (sadness 😦 …). The special effects are top notch! JJ Abrams makes things look as realistic as possible. Lots of cool space ships and vehicles. Oscar Isaac and John Boyega are dashing heroes but not much else. Adam Driver as Kylo Ren gives a standout performance! Younger viewers and casual fans will enjoy this.

What I didn’t like.

Shit…where to start 😂😂😂

The is the Disney Princess of Star Wars, smh….

Not to come across as a Pure Hater (that comes later),  but damn this movie is a mess. The character of Rey continues to defy logic even by Star Wars standards. Rey is so OP (Over-powered) she might as well be One Punch Man – unlimited power with very little training. Nothing can kill her and she can pretty much do whatever she wants. Basically, her strength level is as powerful as the story needs her to be. That leaves very little room for character development or suspense, tension. 😑 Sdmh…

Not only does this movie ignore EVERYTHING from the previous 40 Years of Star Wars canon, it also makes Episode 8, The Last Jedi pointless. Rey has a Big Reveal and you wonder why they even bother this late in the game? Plot-wise, a reveal of THAT MAGNITUDE should be in the 2nd Act, not towards the back end of the finale.

The Bad Guys (First Order), come across as incompetent, even though they have Superior Firepower and unlimited resources. On the other side, the Rebellion lacks any kind of real leadership and yet seem to stumble their way to victory after victory. Plenty of moments in the movie you’re like, ‘SERIOUSLY??’ – and a few times you’re like, ‘Wait….WHAT?!‘ – Glaring plot holes and a ridiculous Maguffin. Do yourself a favor… try not to pay TOO much attention. The whole thing is incredibly annoying.

I think the PLAN was to overshadow these flaws with quick edits, tons of sappy drama and plenty of spectacle wrapped up in John Williams’ amazing score. But… the average movie goer will like. Lifelong fans…not so much. 😐

 

Overall…

Trying not to sound like a complete hater LOL but I’m not a fan of the new Episodes. They threw out the previous stories just to make this new story work and that is frustrating. It DOES look great and it has some very intense moments towards the end. Just enough to salvage the final act. The first 2/3rds of the movie is wack, IMO.

If you haven’t seen the movie yet the review ends here.

RATING

(3 out of 5 lightsabers)

 

if you HAVE seen the movie, scroll down and read my Full Hater-Mode rant of why this movie sucks! LMAO

WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD!⚠️

 

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I really really REALLY wanted to like this. Unfortunately, when Disney purchased LucasFilms, the new studio head Kathleen Kennedy scrapped Lucas’ original treatment in favor of this Disney-fied version.  I’m all for ‘Girl Power’ (loooved the character Jyn Erso in ‘Rogue One’), but Rey is a senseless character who feels… ‘forced’ (pun intended).

 

So Palpatine worked in secret to build this IMMENSE Fleet of super-Star Destroyers. Each ship can destroy a PLANET…but they cannot escape the atmosphere autonomously??? 🤔🙄😒

Why would a thousand ships rely on ONE relay tower to launch all of them? Without having any fail-safes? Why would taking out one single relay disable an entire fleet? Even Christmas lights have better technology than that! if one bulb burns out all the other lights can stay lit but a fleet of Star Destroyers can be disabled?🙄🙄🙄

Palpatine blasts the Rebel fleet with incredible Dark Force Lightning and disables their equipment. Why didn’t they all free-fall immediately?? They weren’t in space!

What is this new Force ability that can teleport solid material and re-materialize objects at whim? Even my ten-year-old son know the Laws of Physics. It’s called ‘superposition’, but that doesn’t apply to Jedi magic. It’s never explained.🤷🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️

Jedi are trained as children so they aren’t seduce by the dark side. Anakin was the most powerful one and he started at the age of 10. He was trained by one of the greatest Jedi ever – Obi Wan Kenobi and he STILL turned to the dark side. Rey started at 19 years old, had NO real training, and relied totally on anger and rage – yet she manages to resist the Dark Side and stay to the light path… how is that even possible?

Kylo Ren was the best character and this series did him little justice. Let’s see…His granddad is Anakin Skywalker, the most powerful Jedi EVER. His mom and uncle are the children of Anakin. Luke defeated Darth Vader and The Emporer. Ben Solo/Kylo Ren has this power coursing through his veins… and yet newcomer chick Rey easily defeats him? GTFOH. 😒🙄

Especially after we learn she comes from a lineage of evil. SHE’S A PALPATINE. Palpatine’s blood runs through her veins. This movie should have been about Ben Solo/Kylo Ren – not Rey. At the end of the movie she calls herself a ‘Skywalker’ – Uhhh, NO CHICK, YOU’RE NOTYa BASIC!  An insult to the entire SW saga.

Why introduce Emperor Palpatine at the last minute only to have him die so easily?🤷🏽‍♂️

What was the point of Kylo Ren hunting him down in the beginning of the movie, they just completely abandoned that storyline!

And for God’s sake what the heck is hyper-jumping??? First of all, if you touch anything while traveling near the speed of light – YOU DIE. You shatter into oblivion. That’s the whole point of plotting your course before jumping into hyperspeed so you don’t hit anything. But we just watched the Millennium Falcon hyper-jump through solid objects (ice wall, alien beast) and come out on the other side?

Why even bring up Poe Dameron’s past halfway through the movie? Then introduce a brand-new character who at first wants to kill him, and a few scenes later she’s a rebellion Hero, what a ridiculous subplot.

Why introduce Elite Imperial guards who don’t even fight?

There is so much more wrong with this movie I will sound redundant. I completely blame Kathleen Kennedy for this nonsense. I have no idea what to think of Star Wars movies going forward but this ended as badly as Season 8 of Game of Thrones. Just totally undoing YEARS of awesomeness.

Thank god for The Mandalorian.

“Help me Baby Yoda, you’re my only hope!” 😁

So what did YOU think of this latest Star Wars? Is Jay Dubb being ridiculous? lol Leave your comments below! 😀

 

 

 

 

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