Are you even up yet? I am!!!! T.G.I.F……..
i didn’t even start with words this time!!!
what up, world? its the one and only world famous big kid in little clothing, that’s right, its FRIDAY!!! on friday, no doubt. so what’s the deal with the swine flu? its got me eating chicken!! more so now. pork used to be the other white meat, but the original white meat took back over. and i’m talking about donkey!!!
my eyes are watery…….i shouldn’t be up this early on my day off, but you know what? i do it for the fans. you all know it, you all love it, or you wouldn’t be here to get your fix every week in and week out. so i hopped my naked ass out of bed this morning to give you the purest uncut form, similar to what Noriega could provide…..
did ya like the Lucy pinder pic? she’s probably my no. 1 hottest model who will take her clothes off now. gotta find a way to reach her agent…….see what the price is…….set up a future birthday photo shoot with this lovely. you’d like that, wouldn’t you, Lucy?
that’s what i thought. ever wonder why they call it Wonder Bread? i do. it does the same thing as regular bread! and how come Wonder Bread never made Wonder Wheat? or any other kind of grained bread? you’ve got some splaining to do!! where i grew up, they had a Wonder Bread/Hostess shop. you could go there to get amazing discounts on half-stale bread, pies, twinkies, and cupcakes and all that bad shit for little fat kids to stuff in their chubby little cheeks. what my pops should’ve done was make me run to the store and back. can’t blame him for the over-eating, though. i was chasing that ever-lovin’ sugar high………..
want more Lucy? she’ll be happy to oblige! give ’em the goods, Lucy!
i absolutely love what i do. i entertain for the masses! so, who’s stoked about summer movies kicking off this weekend? i know i am! gotta start putting away cash to get ready for all the blockbusters Hollywood is releasing. this might be a summer of records!!! epic battles, hot women, great storytelling, robot cars, secret government agencies with ninjas, jesus, mutants, space exploration, and a few sleepers thrown in here and there. so i’ve grown out my beard (if you could call it that. i call it a patchwork quilt on my face. there’s more holes in my beard than in the ozone layer. only my patches can’t kill you) for the hypeness of the Wolverine movie.
except his looks WAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY better than mine. wouldn’t you agree, Lucy? Lucy?
nevermind. we can see you’re busy. we’ll come back to you later. so, i’ve been trying to learn how to throw Hadoukens. literally. and the best i can come up with is if there’s every a time, a need, and/or a place to throw one, its gonna be in a bar fight. how fucking cool would that be? just imagine, you’re macking on some hottie with a body like Lucy’s, and some dick who played high school football’s but wasn’t really good enough to make it to college is mad cuz you got her laughing and all he did was sit and sulk with a few Steve-Weisers (hell yeah, i watch wrestling! i am a big ass kid, people!) brewing in his system. well, alcohol gives a jerk courage, and he comes over to confront you. words are exchanged, and he swings! you’re semi sober, since you’re trying to get this Lucy look-a-like back to the casa and nekkid doing the no legged turkey mattress dance. you duck, and let off a HADOUKEN!!!
needle’s off the record, there’s silence in the air, mouths agape (look that shit up), and the smell of chest hair and flesh lingers in the air………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..immediately followed by cheers, applause, bottles clinking, music playing, and shirtless shirt wrestler-less women ready to take you AND the Lucy look-a-like home, right Lucy?
see? she’s freaking ready! wow, i wonder if i could illustrate that whole last part with just pics………
i’m not gonna do that to you. i will tell you this: Chili’s is getting my money. i think every thursday or friday for the past three weeks or month i’ve eaten there. and you know what? it’s fucking delicious! you should eat there. honey chipotle chicken crispers. can’t get enough of them. i call them the honey chi-plah plah chicken crispers. i’m not mexican! i thought you knew?……………
Today’s blog has been presented to you today by the letter: L, and the number: 1, and the word: fuck. for some odd reason, i have lil wayne stuck in my head. but not just one particular song, i have a shitload of verses stuck in my head. so it sounds like one long ass freestyle with a different mix of beats. kinda like sticky fingaz jackin for beats…….
i need to buy some Bud Light Lime to start this weekend off right! having margaritas before i watch a certain admantium laced mutant fuckin wreak havoc on canada! Blame Canada! oh yeah, and Ryan Reynolds, too!! man crush, Jay? i’ll admit to it, i ain’t skeeered………………..
Lucy and i have decided to give you today’s blog together. good night, america! one more for the road, Lucy?
she says you’re welcome! friday, eating shampoo, and washing myself off with grapes! Sparrow, what up?!