What in the Hell? look who’s on time today T.G.I.F…….
hey hey hey!!!!!!
no fuckers, its not fat albert! its the WORLD FAMOUS KING OF CRAZY, the lovable, huggable, cuddly-soft muh fuccin funny ninja from the other side of the blenda, smokin whippits and dippin crickets in hot cheese sauce to feed your need for shoelaces and braces, spectacular happ-nin cat out all disasters, FRIDAY!!!!!
-ahem, thanks, Earl. give it up to Earl, everyone!!-
so, i’m here to discuss a few things with everyone today……..first off, let me put some mood music on……AHHHHHH!H!!!!!!!! some high quality hip hop always stimulates the thought process. especially when its A Tribe Called Quest
and the song is Scenario, featuring a young brother from a group named Leaders of the New School. this young standout today is simply known by the moniker Busta Rhymes!!!!!!!!!! insert sound clip of yah yah YAAAAHHHHHHHs right here…………….
how many pieces of Trident White sugar free peppermint gum can i put in my mouth before i:
a. throw up
b. burn my mouth
c. get a jawache like superhead on a bad day. don’t know who superhead is? here’s a pic
man, xzhibit’s voice is sooooooo funny on the track Choke me, Spank me, Pull my hair. Nuff Said. right, X to the Z? i could do a top ten list of the greatest rappers by region. maybe i will…………hmmmmm…..we cover all the bases here at 2 Comic Book Guys and a Baby!! hey, have you all noticed that we are 20,000 and counting? that’s what i like to see, people. leave some comments or i’ll win the lottery and buy plane tickets and come fuck you all up, Fat Ninja style!!!!!
i completely forgot what i was about to say cuz i was singing (let’s be real. rappers aren’t singers. well, some are. but most aren’t) along to D12, those Eminem buddies!! i’m so sore, people. went and worked out yesterday with a madman, but i call him friend. friend with a sixpack and a pistol, and i’m not talking about his man-unit, so get my shiny helmet and get on the water slide with as much baby oil as possible!!! 5 pieces. lots of flavor, no burning. but i’ve run out of Trident white.
should i dare mix this concoction with the dreaded Jolt gum i chewed on so early in the morning last week and ended up on the toilet taking a massive poop that was so foul i had to blame the gum itself for the awful stench that rose from my bathroom causing me to lose concentration and damn near pass out? try saying that all in one breath. go ahead. i just did it aloud. only its midnight, and i’m wide awake in a room all alone. i’m fucking eating this jolt gum. OH MY GOD!!! WHY DID I DO THIS?!!!! AHHHHHHH!!! THIS IS NOT A FLAVOR COMBINATION I WOULD TRY!! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!! supress gag reflex…….fight it…………i can’t even taste the peppermint anymore……..and this did not agree with the pizza i had hours ago!!!
oh, i remembered what i wanted to talk about. Jay-Z.
now i just gotta remember why. FUCK!!! dammit………there’s seven more pieces of that gum. i’m part jew (that’s not racist if you know one, and everyone has part jew in them. don’t believe me? have you ever shopped at a Ross, Marshall’s, or a T.J. Maxx? Part Jew, bitch!!! Shalom!), so i can’t throw that gum away. i can only man up and finish this crap. wish i hadn’t ate the orange sherbert gum i had. but that would NOT have been cool with my taste buds. i bet they would’ve packed up and migrated until i got my oral shit together. those two words should never go in a sentence together. and by two words i mean would’ve, and packed. they’re sworn enemies in the literary world. i should know. i’ve read an Emmanuel Lewis Webster’s Dictionary.
i’m telling you, get a wireless. i’m sitting at the desk, but the thrill of me being able to get up and take you guys to bed………no, wait, that doesn’t look right. i would say sound, but the music is drowning out my superhuman ability to hear myself talk to myself. which i think i might do alot. sometimes i don’t hear what people say to me, cuz i imagine them talking dirty. a normal conversation could possibly go something like this: “hey friday what’s the blog gonna contain this weekend? i can’t wait to read it. its my guilty pleasure.”, but in my head it may go like this: “you friday, i rub various temperature and textured liquids on myself when i start reading your miraculously hilarious blog. i get pleasure whenever i hear you in my head in the voice i make up for you, which sounds a lot like Johnny Depp’s version of Willy Wonka and i don’t know why reading your poetic barbs and witty vernacular. i like to use big words cuz your a big man with a big…………………………………………………….foot pedal.” see? where’d you think i was going with that? left field? ha! slut machines on diet pepsi, i pitch. i don’t catch. except for that one time in community college math class..
i just realized that i lol in real life. i had to stop typing cuz my chuckles had my typing looking like this: Johnny D;adlkvla to8iwtn428; dhago. ah, if you can’t make yourself laugh, tickle somewhere else! fuck i’m wired off this stupid ass gum!!!
i know i was supposed to talk about Jay-Z, but fuck i forgot what i was gonna say. i’m feeling really silly. why the hell aren’t my friends up? i’m gonna go walk outside in my boxers real quick.
this gum collection/concoction is getting worse as the flavors wear off. i dare you to try it and make it for 20 min. there’s the undescribable taste of the jolt, with the horrible aftertaste of peppermint. i need a drink. who’s up right now?
this blog is unusually long tonight. you’re welcome. yo baby, ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat? yeah…………..
friday, going to taco bell (3rd time this week. fucking cocaine laced goodness wrapped in up cheap colorful plastic…)!!!
got my vans on, but they look like sneakers…………………………………………………………………………….