Welcome to the world!!!! A special T.G.I.F….
First things, first. Congrats to Jay and his wife for bringing new life into this world!!! you should’ve named him after me….
now onto the blog….greetings, ladies and gents, kids and animals, inanimate objects alike. welcome to the world famous T.G.I.F blog!! a fabulous collection of say-nothings, crazy ideas, random babblings, and all things weird! all wrapped up in a pretty word-style format with pictures! cuz even if you don’t want to read my psychotic mumblings and talky-talk, you can look at the pics! so buckle up, grab a slurpee, put down your pam anderson life sized anatomically correct life like sex doll, and come join me on this adventure!!! grapes!
so, i’ve moved on from my first person shooters, right? currently i’m addicted to need for speed: carbon. great game. enough of that!
is anybody gonna go see the fast and the furious? the original cast all back together. wonder if vin diesel wrote this script. have you seen Pitch Black? his first movie? i’m sure you’ve seen The Chronicles of Riddick? no? well he wrote them! yes, i know. gravelly-voiced buff, light skinned muh fuccah!!!
i didn’t see that coming. i thought hollywood had found themselves a new ACTION HERO! someone to replace Van Damme,
and of course i can’t forget AH-NOLD!!!
“DANNNNAAAAA!!!! jump down, daddy will catch you!!!” if you haven’t seen True Lies, that’s all on you.
is anybody excited about baseball season coming up? no? yeah, me neither. don’t get me wrong, i’ll go to a game in a heartbeat, get a footlong with some mustard and relish, and enjoy the 3 hours. but watching it on tv? i don’t have the attention span. hell, the skippers’ are asleep in the dugouts!
if you don’t know me by now, i love the lady bits. i try to come up with new names for them that you don’t normally hear in everyday use. ladies, please get offended. i could care less! i got a list of ones i recently created. let me know if you’ve heard of any of these:
half gallon baby food dispensers
extra soft pleasure bags
just a few i came up with. feel free to get mad or laugh or post a few of your own, i don’t care! the weathers’ almost right to go out to the lake and take pics of the scenery and the majesticness that is this world!! see how i turned nudity into a beautiful scenes of nature? the transition was smooth, effortless, and flawless.
ever notice how once you buy a new car (even if its used, its new to you), you start seeing those fuckers all over the road? that’s how i feel with my car. i own a compact sedan, and i fucking love my car. but my car is driven by college girls, environmentalist hippies, and professionals trying to save a buck. i’m talking about my JETTA.
this car is the shit. i wish my car was a transformer. he’d be the one with the sense of humor and the willingness to protect me in my times of need. like when i’m racing down the highways and there are cops around. gas prices be damned, i’m trying to get from point a to point b in minutes. and if that means driving from the north side of the city to the south, i’m trying to get there in 15, lol. cops would try to pull me over and my transformer jetta would whip out some kind of lazer or electrostatic car stun ray. i’m totally living in the decades ahead, but in my world this shit could happen!!!
america, fuck yeah! coming again to save the mutha fucckin dayyyeeeaaa! puppets are so cool.
so, i’ve been thinking that i need to get a figure cast in my likeness. he doesn’t even have to be anatomically correct. i just want one. i would give myself to people as gifts, literally. and then i would tell them to not play with me too much. and i would wonder how many people would pull my pants down in wonderment. this is why i tell you not to open the doors in my head, people! these are the random thoughts that roam about freely in there. and everything’s colored green and purple. and black and gray. hell, there’s rooms i’m not touching up there. its like being john malkovich. without john cusack.
guns don’t kill people. bullets do. unless you get hit upside the head so hard it causes some kind of brain anuerism. totally spelled that wrong. totally don’t care. you’re in my world. apples are 7, green in a pit bull, and television is a state of emergency! adios, mother bitches!!!!!!
Friday, posting this on Monday!